Part of the fun inherent in navigation GPS units is the fact that you can download voices and personalities for your device. You can have a Star Wars character, one of the Simpsons or a generic novelty character guide you to your destination. These characters will give you directions and comment on your driving style Darth Vader will lead you to the dark side, and the social climber will remind you of proper driving etiquette while maintaining your grace and decorum.
However, there are those personality types and characters in your life that you don't want riding shotgun, let alone giving you directions. Here we will look at a list of the five worst GPS personalities for a navigator. Be grateful these don't actually exist for your device!
5. Personal Trainer You want a GPS unit that will get you from point A to point B and you want one that will route you to the destination you choose. The personal trainer will always take you to the gym. Every time you pick a destination, such as the grocery store or the Laundromat, you will be re-routed to the nearest gym. If you override the programmed route, your personal trainer navigator will have you park far enough away for a decent walk and make you do squats before reentering your vehicle. This personality will also pepper your progress with alternating insults and encouraging words.
4. College Professor Imagine, if you will, that you are sitting in a college classroom staring down at that all-too-important midterm exam. Fearing failure, you begin and hope for a decent grade. Now imagine facing that fear in every car ride as you get behind the wheel and start on your next assignment er, destination. The college professor lectures on subjects such as the merits of safe driving and then gives you scores as you progress with a final grade at your destination. Occasional pop quizzes and extra destinations are thrown in at the professor's leisure. Make sure to pass his tests, as this professor does not grade on a curve.
3. A Child Pure and innocent, children are the greatest thing to happen to most parents, while simultaneously the most stressful and exhausting. This GPS navigator has all the sweetness and energy of a small child, but the attention span of one too. One minute you're driving to your destination and the next you are rerouted to the toy store or the candy shop. If you sit idle for too long, the child will start to get your attention in the most annoying way possible. You have to stop every fifteen minutes or so for a restroom break, whether or not you need to go. Worst of all, your car is inexplicably covered in cereal and filled with toys.
2. Ex-Girlfriend or Ex-Boyfriend Breaking up is generally an unpleasant experience, and almost everyone has a bad break up story or knows someone with a bad break up story. This navigator personifies those negative experiences and rolls all those stories into one chaotic and depressing drive home. In order to fully experience the Ex navigator personalities, the program will shuffle the experiences causing you to have a weeping ex-girlfriend one time and a vengeful ex-girlfriend another time. If you prefer the ex-boyfriend voice, you'll have the opportunity to experience a sulky ex-boyfriend or the apathetic one that by the end of the drive makes you happy you reached your destination and can get out of the car.
And lastly, the worst of our fictional GPS navigators:
1. The Boss You may have a great relationship with your boss or you might dread any interaction, either way you don't want to take them home with you. As a navigator personality, The Boss makes you begin to wonder why you even drive at all. The Boss insists you do trust exercises with other vehicles and has you prepare performance reports quarterly, rating both your driving skills and those of your fellow commuters. You must set goals and beat deadlines, ever trying to reach your destination faster and more efficiently. If you fail, you could be terminated and have to install a new boss.
So the next time you power up your navigation GPS device and hear the standard female voice, remember that it could be a whole lot worse.
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